Sigh...I may eventually get into the actual habit of writing in this thing regularly, but I hope I don't have any loyal fans out there waiting with baited breath or anything, because it's not looking too good so far...
Anyway, this entry was inspired by my realizing that I actually had a *comment* on my last entry!! Someone read my blog!! (Thanks, DJ) :). Because of this, I decided to write another entry, although at the moment I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about. I've already exhausted my generic opinions on autism; you can read my first two posts to get a good idea about that, but since the stated purpose of this blog is supposed to be blogging about my life and autism/aspergers, I suppose I should come up with something.
Let's see...
Lately, the negative things about my AS seem to be getting somewhat worse. I know, this blog was starting out so positive and shiny, all neurodiverse and stuff, right? Well, all that is still there, and still true, but right now I feel like pointing out that I'm well aware that not everything having to do with being autistic is good. This said, I can honestly say I still wouldn't give up being Aspie if I could, despite the fact that I've been going sorta crazy lately. Its not super serious stuff, just stuff that causes some minor problems and makes me unhappy and my husband unhappier. I've been stimmy lately, for one thing, which is kinda odd for me since this is just about the first time I remember noticing stimming in myself, at least in public. I stim in private, always have...hey, don't look at me like that, I didn't mean it that way!! ;-) Anyway, I used to read blogs and posts by autistics about stimming, and think they didn't really apply to me a whole lot, and then I found myself trying not to handflap at the grocery store, and it kinda took me by surprise. I've also been rather routine dependent lately, having a bit of trouble sleeping, having some focus problems, and just generally seeming...well, more stereotypically autistic, if you understand what I mean. A lot of it I can't even put a finger on what I'm doing differently, its just that I'm feeling and acting more Aspie than usual lately.
I know exactly *why* my Aspie side is acting up -- I work as a C-Print captionist at a university, and its the end of the summer and the beginning of a new semester. Since I didn't work over the summer, this means two things: first, my husband and I have, for the last month, been basically out of money, and living on food assistance and the charity of friends and loved ones is stressful!! This issue has finally been resolved as of today (my husband got his financial aid money, yay!!!!), so knowing how I operate, I'll stop being stressed about money in about 2 weeks (once my brain catches up to reality).
Second, the new semester means a new schedule, and readjusting to working life, and everything that comes with this -- the changes, the altered sleep routine, etc., etc. Combine this with the money situation and all that stress, and its really no wonder I've been feeling my AS more.
For me, the negatives of AS overlap a lot with my anxiety disorder (which I have yet to come up with any positives about). I get anxious, and I get Aspieish, and I get harder to deal with. My poor husband is dealing with some medical stuff himself (he was recently diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, and on top of already having depression and sleep apnea, its not helping his brain chemistry at all...), and when our disorders collide it isn't a fun time for either of us. Luckily, I think we're getting better at managing those times. However, if I had a nickel for every time my husband asked me if I was "ok," well...I wouldn't be so worried about money :-p.
Going back and reading what I just wrote, I realized something. The vast majority of the negative stuff I've been mentioning can either be chalked up to the anxiety disorder, or isn't negative per se (like the stimming, which I maintain isn't a bad thing, despite the fact that I try not to do it in public if possible -- I have resorted to hiding in restroom stalls to get privacy). I guess the moral of this story is that being more Aspie isn't necessarily bad, and I should be more accepting of myself -- and that just figures, that always seems to be the moral of the story. *Sigh.*
Oh well.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Response to "The Crappy Life of the Autism Mom"
Boy, it's been a while since I posted here. Wheee, my second blog entry!! I had to do this one, though; it's a copy of the response that I sent to Kim Stagliano, writer of http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kim-stagliano/the-crappy-life-of-the-au_b_37742.html among other things, and mother to 3 autistic kids. Here's what I said:
"Just discovered your blog, and I only have one quick comment. You compare autism to "Bertie Botts' Beans." Specifically, you said that "Some autistics...can speak eloquently, write blogs, move out on their own, marry, have children and manage their autistic traits." This is a misrepresentation. Some of the autistics that write blogs *can't* "manage their autistic traits," but *still* manage to communicate and live fulfilling, happy lives. Just to take a few examples, there's the woman who writes this blog: http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/, the man who writes this blog: http://griffs-grumbles.blogspot.com/2007/01/fundamental-disconnect.html, and hundreds of other *adults* who are LIVING with autism, *not* trying to eliminate it. I think the big difference here, is that they are ADULTS, and your girls are young yet. Give your girls 10 or 20 years to learn and mature, and even if they haven't mastered potty training yet I bet they'll be writing blogs too. The ND movement isn't saying you're "disrespecting (your) kids by trying to help them," its saying that your kids need both help AND acceptance as autistic individuals!!!! Autism is not an either-or disorder. The kids who need help 24-7 (the "ear wax/vomit/dog poop" kids, to use your terminology) are the SAME people who grow up to be functioning adults who "speak eloquently, write blogs, move out on their own, marry, have children and manage their autistic traits." Some are more successful than others, but it is 100% possible to be both fully autistic and fully successful. Your girls are just kids -- don't give up on them, NEVER give up on them -- and *please* don't assume that the ND movement is encouraging that. I can only speak for myself, but as a proud member of the ND movement, giving up on them is the *very last* thing I would want for ANYONE on the autistic spectrum, no matter their flavor!!"
It really bothers me that so many people think it's not possible to have autistic "issues" and be successful at the same time!!! I wish people like the ones I mentioned above had a wider audience...people (especially parents!) need to hear both sides of the story.
"Just discovered your blog, and I only have one quick comment. You compare autism to "Bertie Botts' Beans." Specifically, you said that "Some autistics...can speak eloquently, write blogs, move out on their own, marry, have children and manage their autistic traits." This is a misrepresentation. Some of the autistics that write blogs *can't* "manage their autistic traits," but *still* manage to communicate and live fulfilling, happy lives. Just to take a few examples, there's the woman who writes this blog: http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/, the man who writes this blog: http://griffs-grumbles.blogspot.com/2007/01/fundamental-disconnect.html, and hundreds of other *adults* who are LIVING with autism, *not* trying to eliminate it. I think the big difference here, is that they are ADULTS, and your girls are young yet. Give your girls 10 or 20 years to learn and mature, and even if they haven't mastered potty training yet I bet they'll be writing blogs too. The ND movement isn't saying you're "disrespecting (your) kids by trying to help them," its saying that your kids need both help AND acceptance as autistic individuals!!!! Autism is not an either-or disorder. The kids who need help 24-7 (the "ear wax/vomit/dog poop" kids, to use your terminology) are the SAME people who grow up to be functioning adults who "speak eloquently, write blogs, move out on their own, marry, have children and manage their autistic traits." Some are more successful than others, but it is 100% possible to be both fully autistic and fully successful. Your girls are just kids -- don't give up on them, NEVER give up on them -- and *please* don't assume that the ND movement is encouraging that. I can only speak for myself, but as a proud member of the ND movement, giving up on them is the *very last* thing I would want for ANYONE on the autistic spectrum, no matter their flavor!!"
It really bothers me that so many people think it's not possible to have autistic "issues" and be successful at the same time!!! I wish people like the ones I mentioned above had a wider audience...people (especially parents!) need to hear both sides of the story.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Me....
I'm Andi. Because I've never blogged before, I really don't know what to say on here, so I'm just going to do what I do best when writing: launch into a random sampling of thoughts and ramble on about what's on my mind at the moment. From what I understand about blogging, this is usually how it's done anyway....
So...My full name is Andrea Dietrich, I'm 28 years old, and married to a wonderful man named Chris. I graduated in December 2006 from Grand Valley State University with a BA in Behavioral Science (I tell everyone its a BA in BS, which is probably closer to the truth...) I'm currently working as an independent contractor for GVSU as a C-Print Captionist. Basically, that means that I go to class with a deaf student and type what the professor says at as close to real-time as I can manage. The student and I each get a laptop, and the C-Print software wirelessly (or wired, depending on the setup) sends what I type to the student's laptop, so she can read along. The C-Print program also has an abbreviation language built in so I can type faster...but that does mean that I tend to fall into typing that way when I'm not using the software. If you all reading out there find me using abbreviations like "u" for you, or "n" for and, its not because (bkz) I'm being lazy, I just forgot I wasn't C-Printing for a moment (these things tend to become reflex). Anyway, it's a great job, which I actually enjoy (which is not something I thought I'd ever be able to say about work) -- and as a bonus it pays really well, which is nice! It means that my husband and I are finally living in an actually nice apartment that lets us keep all our pets (3 cats and 2 domestic fancy rats) openly -- they're extremely pet-friendly :).
In my free time I play role-playing games (I'm currently only playing in a couple -- a White Wolf vampire LARP, and a tabletop game called The Everlasting, run by Chris.), and I sing in some area choirs (the Grand Rapids Symphony Chorus, the Grand Rapids Bach Chorale, and sometimes my church choir). I also spend time with the Pack, a very close group of friends/adopted family. I met them through gaming, and although I'm only currently gaming with a few of them (in the LARP), all of us in the area get together every week for a potluck dinner, and every now and again for a movie or birthday party or whatever. When I'm not doing stuff with the Pack, working, or singing, mostly I read and watch too much tv. I'm currently very into Doctor Who, a fun British tv show, (thanks again to my husband and one of the other Pack people, Kirstin -- it's their fault that I'm now obsessed!) We try to get together weekly or so to watch episodes on DVD. I read almost anything, but my favorites are anything by Katherine Kurtz or Stephen King, as well as the Narnia books, the Lord of the Ring trilogy (although I haven't read those in a while), and I still have a fond place for The Secret Garden.
Phew...obligitory intro done, for now. I'll probably come up with more to add to it later, but honestly I'm guessing most people reading this blog will either already know me, and therefore know most of what I wrote already, or won't care. Anyway, the real reason I started this blog was because I wanted a place I could write publicly about my goals regarding autism, Asperger's, and advocacy. A little over a year ago, I was (finally) diagnosed officially with Asperger's syndrome, after several years of suspecting I was on the spectrum, and a lifetime wondering why I was so frikkin different from everyone I knew. I'm not going to go into the details of my childhood now (I've only got an hour before I have another captioning session), so suffice it to say that I was a strange, socially awkward kid, and I've grown up into a strange, socially awkward adult. Due to Aspergers, I have problems with social interaction and getting to know people, I hate talking on the phone and otherwise interacting with people I don't know (and even more with people I've only met in passing!), and I have a variety of other difficulties that tend to vary depending on the day, my mood, or any of a thousand other things that make my life interesting. I was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder at the same time I got my Aspergers diagnosis, but at least this is pretty simple -- basically all it does is make my life more stressful and make it more difficult to cope with little problems that inevitably crop up in life. I got very lucky in my husband, as he's amazingly patient with both my social awkwardness and my anxiety issues, and is amazingly supportive.
Oops, tangent again. Back to Aspergers, basically, I came to the conclusion many years ago, even before I knew what Aspergers was, that despite my oddness and associated difficulties I didn't want to change that part of me, in part because I think it made me a nicer person, but mostly because when I'm not feeling bad about myself I actually like being different. When I found out that there was a neurological reason that for the differences, I was actually overjoyed after I got over the shock, because I finally had an explanation for the things that made my life so complicated sometimes.
This realization also gave my professional life more focus. When I discovered AS I was a Psychology major at GVSU, planning to eventually work in an elementary school so I could help kids who had the same difficulties I'd had as a kid, with bullying and teasing and such. I had a pretty crappy elementary school experience, and I wanted to help other kids avoid some of what I went through. However, once I discovered that in all likelihood my school experience was directly related to AS, my focus shifted. Since most people focus on working with and for children with autism, and adults are frequently ignored, I decided to change the focus of my eventual career goals to working with adults with autism. Since graduating, that's changed a little bit, too. Right now, I don't have an ultimate career goal, since I've got a really great job and my husband has a few years before he graduates (to work in a similar field). Until he graduates and we start looking into graduate schools together (since we'll likely go out of state we're tentatively planning to attend the same school), I want to put together a study looking at anxiety and depression levels in autistic adolescents and adults who have been through different forms of autism treatment (ABA-based programs, Floortime, special diets, etc.) Because of the huge amount of anecdotal evidence that ABA programs, especially, are very stressful for autistic individuals, I would expect to find higher levels of anxiety and depression in people who graduated from them. I've only got very preliminary ideas so far -- but I'll post more later. Right now, I have to rest my fingers (and give you a break -- anyone still reading, I salute you!).
So...My full name is Andrea Dietrich, I'm 28 years old, and married to a wonderful man named Chris. I graduated in December 2006 from Grand Valley State University with a BA in Behavioral Science (I tell everyone its a BA in BS, which is probably closer to the truth...) I'm currently working as an independent contractor for GVSU as a C-Print Captionist. Basically, that means that I go to class with a deaf student and type what the professor says at as close to real-time as I can manage. The student and I each get a laptop, and the C-Print software wirelessly (or wired, depending on the setup) sends what I type to the student's laptop, so she can read along. The C-Print program also has an abbreviation language built in so I can type faster...but that does mean that I tend to fall into typing that way when I'm not using the software. If you all reading out there find me using abbreviations like "u" for you, or "n" for and, its not because (bkz) I'm being lazy, I just forgot I wasn't C-Printing for a moment (these things tend to become reflex). Anyway, it's a great job, which I actually enjoy (which is not something I thought I'd ever be able to say about work) -- and as a bonus it pays really well, which is nice! It means that my husband and I are finally living in an actually nice apartment that lets us keep all our pets (3 cats and 2 domestic fancy rats) openly -- they're extremely pet-friendly :).
In my free time I play role-playing games (I'm currently only playing in a couple -- a White Wolf vampire LARP, and a tabletop game called The Everlasting, run by Chris.), and I sing in some area choirs (the Grand Rapids Symphony Chorus, the Grand Rapids Bach Chorale, and sometimes my church choir). I also spend time with the Pack, a very close group of friends/adopted family. I met them through gaming, and although I'm only currently gaming with a few of them (in the LARP), all of us in the area get together every week for a potluck dinner, and every now and again for a movie or birthday party or whatever. When I'm not doing stuff with the Pack, working, or singing, mostly I read and watch too much tv. I'm currently very into Doctor Who, a fun British tv show, (thanks again to my husband and one of the other Pack people, Kirstin -- it's their fault that I'm now obsessed!) We try to get together weekly or so to watch episodes on DVD. I read almost anything, but my favorites are anything by Katherine Kurtz or Stephen King, as well as the Narnia books, the Lord of the Ring trilogy (although I haven't read those in a while), and I still have a fond place for The Secret Garden.
Phew...obligitory intro done, for now. I'll probably come up with more to add to it later, but honestly I'm guessing most people reading this blog will either already know me, and therefore know most of what I wrote already, or won't care. Anyway, the real reason I started this blog was because I wanted a place I could write publicly about my goals regarding autism, Asperger's, and advocacy. A little over a year ago, I was (finally) diagnosed officially with Asperger's syndrome, after several years of suspecting I was on the spectrum, and a lifetime wondering why I was so frikkin different from everyone I knew. I'm not going to go into the details of my childhood now (I've only got an hour before I have another captioning session), so suffice it to say that I was a strange, socially awkward kid, and I've grown up into a strange, socially awkward adult. Due to Aspergers, I have problems with social interaction and getting to know people, I hate talking on the phone and otherwise interacting with people I don't know (and even more with people I've only met in passing!), and I have a variety of other difficulties that tend to vary depending on the day, my mood, or any of a thousand other things that make my life interesting. I was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder at the same time I got my Aspergers diagnosis, but at least this is pretty simple -- basically all it does is make my life more stressful and make it more difficult to cope with little problems that inevitably crop up in life. I got very lucky in my husband, as he's amazingly patient with both my social awkwardness and my anxiety issues, and is amazingly supportive.
Oops, tangent again. Back to Aspergers, basically, I came to the conclusion many years ago, even before I knew what Aspergers was, that despite my oddness and associated difficulties I didn't want to change that part of me, in part because I think it made me a nicer person, but mostly because when I'm not feeling bad about myself I actually like being different. When I found out that there was a neurological reason that for the differences, I was actually overjoyed after I got over the shock, because I finally had an explanation for the things that made my life so complicated sometimes.
This realization also gave my professional life more focus. When I discovered AS I was a Psychology major at GVSU, planning to eventually work in an elementary school so I could help kids who had the same difficulties I'd had as a kid, with bullying and teasing and such. I had a pretty crappy elementary school experience, and I wanted to help other kids avoid some of what I went through. However, once I discovered that in all likelihood my school experience was directly related to AS, my focus shifted. Since most people focus on working with and for children with autism, and adults are frequently ignored, I decided to change the focus of my eventual career goals to working with adults with autism. Since graduating, that's changed a little bit, too. Right now, I don't have an ultimate career goal, since I've got a really great job and my husband has a few years before he graduates (to work in a similar field). Until he graduates and we start looking into graduate schools together (since we'll likely go out of state we're tentatively planning to attend the same school), I want to put together a study looking at anxiety and depression levels in autistic adolescents and adults who have been through different forms of autism treatment (ABA-based programs, Floortime, special diets, etc.) Because of the huge amount of anecdotal evidence that ABA programs, especially, are very stressful for autistic individuals, I would expect to find higher levels of anxiety and depression in people who graduated from them. I've only got very preliminary ideas so far -- but I'll post more later. Right now, I have to rest my fingers (and give you a break -- anyone still reading, I salute you!).
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